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Tale
of The Rat
We love birds. We used to feed birds in our backyard. It is not an
inexpensive hobby—birds have voracious appetites, and the more you
feed them the more you feed them. When you feed them, you feed all of
them, not just the little guys, but blackbirds, pigeons, doves,
bluejays, squirrels—and rats.
I looked out the kitchen window, which faces our backyard, to see a
long tail hanging down from the cute little porcelain feeder my wife
put up last year. A young rat had his head buried in the hole, blind
to the world, gnawing expensive sunflower seeds to his rat-heart's
content. I tapped on the kitchen window. He couldn't or wouldn't hear
me, arrogant little rodent!
An idea popped unbidden into my thoughts. I would sneak up on him,
grab his tail, and fling him as far as I could. I would teach him a
lesson he would NEVER forget!
I carefully and quietly went out the front door and around the house.
Little ratbutt was still blindly chowing down. I slowly reached up,
grabbed his tail hard and FLUNG! The rat began a mighty squeaking, his
tail shorn of skin! He tried mightily to enter the hole in the feeder
that was only big enough for his head, doing an excellent imitation of
filling a one quart jar with two quarts of rat.
This won't do at all, I thought. I had all I wanted of touching rats,
so I decided to knock him loose and send him on his way, hopefully to
regrow the skin on his tail. I gave him a couple of tentative nudges
with the end of the water hose. He redoubled his effort to enter the
safety of the feeder, squealing and squeaking in terror.
I can't take this, I thought, as sympathy welled up in me for his
plight. I gave him a mighty KNOCK! and he fell to the ground, his legs
twitching in shock and probable death throes.
No, no, no! This was not what I intended. I watched for about a
minute—a long minute—as he twitched and lay on his back. Finally,
sorrowfully, I administered the "coup de grat" with a pair of garden
shears. Finis rat. Talk about the "best laid plans of mice and men!"
This one ganged agley pretty badly.
©Phil Hodgkins 2002 Guestbook
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